


on the grass, under the stars

by remuses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, Nostalgia, One Shot, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 12:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18141977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuses/pseuds/remuses
Summary: A one-shot set around Goblet of Fire, after Dumbledore had told Sirius to "lie low at Lupin's."Remus and Sirius try to have their first real conversation about the past 13 years had meant for their relationships. Suspended between the tension of the distrust and pain they had caused and the longing to not give up on each other, they feel stuck.





	on the grass, under the stars

They both stare at the stars, hyperaware of each other’s bodies just inches away. Over the course of twelve years, they have forgotten how beautiful the evening sky is.

It’s a given. Sirius didn’t exactly have a marvelous view of the open sky in his Azkaban cell. The small glimpses he had didn’t help. The rough stone of the cell and cold of the air were too distracting to appreciate the stars. Sometimes he could see the moon from his cell and thought of his friends.That never helped either.

And Remus hadn’t been able to to look at the night sky ever since James, Lily, and - he thought - Peter had died and Sirius had been taken away. The moon had only ever looked beautiful when he was with them; when he didn’t have to go through and recover from transformations alone.

They lie in the grass quietly.

If they were still students at Hogwarts, lying on the grounds, there would be no space between them. Their legs would be tangled, their chests, hips, mouths pressed together, and eyes closed. They wouldn’t be looking at the sky, but they’d be thankful for the darkness as a sanctuary and for the moon’s soft glow as way for them to glimpse at the softness of a lip, a sparkle of the eyes.

If they were still 21, in the middle of the First War and on the roof of their apartment, they wouldn’t be watching the stars; they’d be watching each other. Quiet Sunday evenings when they would often be afforded rest, when they had the chance to drink beer in silence and enjoy each other’s company. But it was never really that at the end. Eyeing every move and choosing each word carefully in what were truly empty conversations, suspicion and desperation often filled the air. Unlike the memories of their school days, there would be space between them. Too much space.

But, in this moment, they were neither. They weren’t a couple of schoolboys, fumbling with each other’s bodies, awkwardly and excitedly. They weren’t a couple of young adults, who didn’t look young at all and watched each other too closely for them to truly believe there was any trust left to salvage.

Instead, they were thirty-five, and unbelieving of the fact they had each other again. The distance was enough for their elbows to brush lightly once in a while, but not enough to break their resistance to throw caution to the air and press their mouths together. They really do watch the stars this time, but stolen glances at each other’s moonlit faces could not be helped. They’re silent not because their lips are too busy kissing or because they didn’t trust to let a single word slip, but because a quiet night that wasn’t filled with nightmares or ghosts of doubt and regret was something they hadn’t experienced together since before the First War reached its peak.

However, the sixth time Remus catches Sirius glance at his lips, he breaks the silence before he can break something else - like his resolve to not jump right into straddling Sirius and leaving trails of kisses down his neck before even settling things.

“Since I woke up from that full moon and found that you had to go into hiding again, whenever I fantasized all the scenarios of what it would be like to be alone with you again for the first time,” he mumbles, “I never thought we’d be stargazing outside my cottage.”

“Fantasize, huh?” Sirius asks. Remus isn’t looking at him, but he can practically hear the smugness in Sirius' smirk. “Why? Did you imagine something along the lines of inside your cottage?”

Remus laughs. “You know what I mean.”

“What did you imagine, then?”

“Mostly?” Remus asks, turning to look at Sirius. “You beating the crap out of me for thinking you’d actually betray us.”

Sirius’ grin disappears. “I told you I forgave you, Moony.”

Remus shrugs. “Well, you weren’t prepared to see me again that night. Now that you’ve had time to think about it -”

“Then I’d be surer that it shouldn’t matter. Maybe my forgiveness that night at the Shack was half-given with impulse, but looking back on it now. I meant it.  But I _have_ had time to think. I _was_ prepared to see you that night. Spending the year lurking around the Hogwarts as Padfoot... Harry wasn't the only person I looked out for. He wasn't the only one I wanted to see. I've spent so much of those twelve years angry and hurt. But after all that, seeing you from the distance every day as you walked to your classes... Seeing all those students excited to greet you... I remember that I suspected you were a traitor as much as you suspected me, Moony. If our places were switched that night and I was the one thinking I was right to be suspicious and hurt all that time, I'm not sure I would have given you the benefit of the doubt either. I don’t blame you, Remus.”

Remus nods, smiling at him. “Well, thank you for not hating me.”

“Thanks for not hating me too,” Sirius replies.

They beam at each other, and Sirius scoots a bit closer to Remus, before returning their gazes to the sky.

After a few moments, Remus pipes up. His voice is careful when he says, “I more than not-hate you, you know.” He slowly and slightly reaches his hand out, palm up, his thumb brushing against Sirius'.

Sirius lets out a soft chuckle, and Remus sees him nod in the periphery. “I more than not-hate you too," Sirius says, grabbing Remus' hand so quickly and firmly like it was the most sure thing he has done today. 

They continue to look up at the stars.

Over the course of twelve years, they have forgotten how beautiful the evening sky is. But if there is anything twelve years can’t make them forget, it’s how ‘I love you’ readily and heavily sits on their tongues whenever they’re together - whether they find the courage to say it or not.


End file.
